It’s recently been bought to my attention that I have a wedding in 3 weeks. Not mine. No. That would be more worrying (mostly because I plan to elope and you can’t pre-plan elopage).

Despite functioning as my moral reasoning on a frequent basis over the past 14 years, I need to express my annoyance at both my friend’s choice of location and especially the timing for her wedding – Koh Samui (Thailand) – April 3rd. Seriously?? Koh Samui? I was in the area in January. I’m now 2163 km away in Hanoi, Vietnam and I don’t fly. Flying isn’t good for you!

I’ve spent the last two days seeking hitchhiking companions to avoid the 90-odd-hour bus journeys and failed – quite miserably really… my last emaily reply was this:

 

Adeena,

Sorry, when I read about your plans I immediately became worried for you. Do not do this hitching, please.
Even if you are the fattest ugliest horniest woman in the world you
are asking nee begging for trouble.
You plan to hitchhike through a couple of countries where Asian women
are kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery.
You’re a white woman.  DO you want to be trafficked like a piece of meat?
Beaten and starved into submission repeatedly raped?  Used like a rag?
I don’t think you want that kind of adventure.  
A rape kit is some equipment that a western police department uses to
gather evidence after a rape.
Good luck,
J……
 

 

My newest steed… I’m absolutely terrified!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I have decided I don’t want any of that really – Asian food is far too good to be starved from. I really really don’t. So with three weeks to go to cross three countries I’ve done the most logical thing really I’ve just walked the streets of Hanoi and bought a good “new design bike” (definitely Chinese) my newest trusty steed. How I’m going to fit my massive bags, my massiver bear and bulging belly on board is the first challenge and then it’ll all be smooth sailing I’m sure… the route begins with some of the world’s best traffic before hitting one of the world’s most impressive mountain ranges.

Rohan, my bicycle buddy – he actually rides bikes and his bike’s not even Chinese…

 


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