Passion. Purpose. Finding your way out of life’s jungle while simultaneously wishing to lose yourself in it.
Which way do you turn?
When do you fight?
When do you take flight?
Is life really a game of eat or be eaten?
A mere struggle for survival?
Was Darwin right? Do only the strongest survive?
Or can you buy your freedom? Buy your joy? Buy your life?

As you may assume, I have probably been adrift too long both in the ocean and in my own mind’s wonderings.
So, while I start typing this blog post, I actually have no idea in which direction it is floating.
There may be many icebergs.
I apologise in advance.

If you could be anywhere, doing anything, where would you be?
And what would it be?
Why?
What about where you are right now?
Are there many people who are perfectly content and blissfully jubilant with all of their present life?
Are there any?
The grass is always greener…
The sea is always bluer…
The life is always better…

Think back to the happiest memories of your life thus far.
What was it about those times that filled you with so much joy?
What makes you feel fully alive?
I remember one day in primary school when I didn’t have a worry in the world, not even homework. I had just saved enough money to go to Gold Reef City, the world’s most ultimate theme park (in my knowledge at the time) with my friends and my mum had just told me that I was finally going to get a puppy! The sun was shining on me through my bedroom window as I leaped up and down in an exuberant bounce pretty sure that I was going to explode with joy!

Sometimes it’s not just a feeling, it’s something more. It’s an intangible realisation that transforms your life.
I remember leaving my nicely boxed existence and entering university. I was blown away by how many different and interesting people filled both the corridors and the classrooms! Maybe there wasn’t something wrong with me [as my high school existence seemed to suggest]. Maybe I was just different!?
The feeling amplified and over time I came to realise that I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could actually go anywhere and I could do anything!
And I did!
I didn’t wait to find people to go with. And although I tried, I never did line my ducklings in a pretty row. Sometimes I headed out into the unknown with nothing in my pocket, with no idea where I was going to sleep or how I was going to eat.
It wasn’t easy.
I was often scared to the point that I didn’t want to check my underpants…
But every time I followed the path I felt was right, no matter the challenges, I ended up having the most incredible adventures of my life.
In fact, every time I hit breaking point and didn’t think I could take any more, I grew stronger.
And with that strength I fought for my life, for my future, and eventually I broke through the obstacles and came through feeling more alive than ever!

Adventure, legendary people, challenge, beautiful places, good music, adrenalin, exercise, and some God intervention… mix them all together and I find my perfect recipe for joy!

What are you most afraid of? What’s holding you back?
For me it’s failure. The fear of not fully living. The fear of missing out on something that I was created for. For not finding my purpose.
The fear of bad decisions.
As a gypsy already on her tenth life, am I afraid of dying?
No. The life I have lived has really been so exceptionally good.
Am I afraid of ending up old and lonely?
No. I hope I will always have a network of exceptional friends and family.
Actually maybe. Old no. But lonely…
I think I subconsciously decided decades ago that I would rather be happy and free than to be paired up with somebody who would hold me back from life.
While I have watched people shack up with partners who seem to perfectly complement and push them: soulmates (to use a cliché), I’ve watched a lot more people settle simply for companionship or physical affection or children (that whole biological clock thing… that whole raising a minion thing… the whole gifting your parent(s) grandchildren thing)…
I’m not judging them and I’m sure that they are quite happy but…
What happens when the cuddles end?
What happens when you find you have no common interests?
What happens when you grow apart?
Imagine raising children with the wrong partner!
I know humans aren’t meant to be alone, but maybe friends and family is enough?
Or maybe I should just take a risk and try a real relationship some day?

In ten or twenty or fifty or a hundred years, what do you want to sit back and reflect on as you rock merrily in your rocking chair on a breezy sun-filled porch, or in front of a cosy fire place?
What tales do you want to tell your grandchildren or godchildren?
(Yes yes, I know what you’re thinking. Adeena, you have enough stories, you should probably focus on the children….)

Am I happy?
I think so.
Actually, I’m quite sure so.
Despite not really knowing what I’m doing with my life or where I’m ultimately headed, I’m alright with me.
Grey fuzzy hair, wobbling thighs, singleness, lost-in-life-ness and all.
So maybe I am actually living my best life?
In fact I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather be!
I want to be me!
I want to always feel like I am real.
I never want to ever try and squeeze into anyone else’s skin.

We only get one life and we have to make the most of it.
We all make mistakes, but don’t dwell on them, until time-machines are properly invented, there is no changing the past. Or the future either. Only today.
The decisions you make right now will shape your destiny.
Mistakes make you learn. They help you grow and move forward.

Thinking back to high school gives me shudders!
I wanted to be anyone else!
I wanted to be prettier. Smarter. Skinnier. More funny.
I thought I had to be someone else to fit in and be accepted; to be “cool”.
When you accept yourself you become happy.
When you are happy, you come alive.
When you come alive you shine.
When you shine, you attract people.

Anyway, I’m getting lost in my own mind’s meanderings…
Back to this blog. I’m still not sure exactly what I’m trying to say here.
But I do think we need to question things.
We need to take stock and actually think about what we are doing and why.
Are we simply going through life’s motions and just existing?
Or are we truly living?
I do believe everyone should live their best life.
Not somebody else’s.
Live a life that makes you proud.
No matter what other people think or how many Instagram followers you lose.
Yes yes, make your parents proud too…
But make sure that one day when you’re looking back, you smile at the journey you’ve walked.
You only get one life my friends, live it fully!


2 Comments

Marc Hastenteufel · February 28, 2020 at 10:57 am

it is not the destination – it is the journey
kinda hard to read your blog because it is center
happy sailing!!

Jean-Marie · March 11, 2020 at 7:00 am

Great read!

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