So, I’ve been pretending to be a cyclist for a whole week now and I have much advice for all aspiring future long-distancesers. And while I know you think I might not be the best person to get advice from with me being 27, homeless, unmarried, and unemployed, and so on and so forth; but I am wise far beyond my ripe old age and my mother says she’s proud of me anyway so I think you probably should listen up. Ok? Good. Now shut up and absorb wisdom.
1) Firstly to be a professional biker type you should probably be in a reasonably sound shape first. You know, maybe walk the dog once in a while or if you don’t have one, race your grandma around the block…. even kicking the dog creates some muscle and let’s be honest, in today’s world every little bit helps.
2) Secondly, and this is a big one, don’t start cycling in a mountain range. I know it might sound all romantic and what not but it isn’t. It just sucks. It sucks a lot. But at least there is pretty scenery to enjoy while you throw up from overexertion.
3) Keep your luggage light. A 75-litre backpack might not look like much but it throws your bike a little off balance. I also strongly dis-advise the carrying of oversized stuffed toys, while they may appear awesome (actually, let’s be honest, they are awesome) when strapped to the back of your bike, they tend to get stuck in wheels and local kids try and grab them and well, they just aren’t quite ideal.
4) Don’t buy a Chinese bicycle. The wheels tend to solidify with the body of the bicycle making riding a lot harder than it should be if not impossible. Also, on occasion, the handlebars tend to follow their own minds and duck and dive making breaking and gear changing a nightmare and this will conveniently happen while you’re racing downhill.
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